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14.02.65 - 18.07.09
~ never forget ~
"who knows if the moon's
a balloon, coming out of a keen city
in the sky - filled with pretty people?"
E. E. Cummings
Today is the five year anniversary of my dad passing away, and these are his roses. His rose bush blooms beautiful pale to vibrant peaches, yellows, oranges and pinks every year, a beautiful reminder.
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"This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realisation, it's the sound
of the unlocking and the lift away... Your love will be, safe with me"
This is my dad and I one month before he passed away, in 2009. The photo is tinged with sadness, you can see my dad's stoma which he was left with after a tracheostomy which was supposed to save his life being taken from laryngeal cancer. My dad was very poorly, and the thought of what he went through still and always will make me extremely sad. That's the reality of cancer, which is something so many people are afraid to talk about. It's so difficult to understand until you experience the effects of it, or someone close to you does. I had never heard of laryngeal cancer, but I'm all too familiar with the symptoms now.
On the other hand, the photo makes me happy. It's one of the last handful of times we all went out as a family, with our friends to a lovely local park. We had a bit of a picnic, we played in the park and we enjoyed time together. My dad took photos, and appeared in them too. Being the photographer, it's often the case that there might not be a photo of my dad from an event where only he took photos. This has made me more snap happy, and I would encourage everyone to take photos of every happy moment!
My dad was a get up and do things kind of guy, get out there and live life to the full. If he had his camera with him (as he often did) and he saw a bird he'd been tracking down, he'd stop the car and stand by the road to capture it. No matter if it held him up, he always made time for the little things, and for everyone. Through the hazy sadness, I search for these memories and I'm happy. I'm happy to have known such a wonderful man, and so privileged and happy that he was my dad.
So here's to my dad, I love you.
To all those other dads that were taken too soon, to those dads you're still making memories with and to those dads we miss - you're the best. Appreciate those you love, and make time for the little things.
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Firstly, happy Valentines day dear readers! I hope you're all having a lovely one whatever it may involve. This week has not been the best of weeks, we had a horrendous journey to my mum's on Wednesday that took 5 and half hours instead of the usual 2 - fallen trees in the road, bad winds and heavy rain was not fun. I did have a lovely day at home on Thursday though, involving taking my mum to a retail park and a couple of things below. I'm behind with everyone and everything, but I hope your week has been better!
1. Mark's valentines surprise I mentioned last week is tickets to see both
Fantastic Mr Fox and Moonrise Kingdom at FACT Liverpool - exciting!
2. I have eventually finished the drawing part of this picture for my little
siblings, now I just need to finish painting it and pop it in the frame.
3. A couple of hours on Thursday were spent with my best friends, Leah and
Nicola. This involved lots of chatting, catching up, hot chocolates, and of
course cuddles with little Belle (who is 3 months now!!).
4. Thursday tea time was spent round at our family friend's house, eating
yummy pancakes and having a lovely time. It's always nice to get together.
5. Today (Valentines day) would have been my dad's 49th birthday. It's a day
tinged with sadness, and every year I try to do something to remember.
How has your week been?
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Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy
This year, on the four year anniversary of my dad passing away, we decided to release four balloons. One for each year. Usually we do lanterns, on dad's first birthday after his passing we did a huge balloon release, but this year lanterns were out of the question what with the big fire that occurred. The words we chose this year for our newspaper memorial are an Eskimo proverb - such a lovely idea.
Our closest friends & family gathered at my mum's house on the evening of Thursday the 18th July to celebrate and remember my dad. I'll take you through the two photos, but there is one person missing from them and that is Phil. Phil was a good friend of my dad's and they shared many a happy time together (many times have I heard the story about my dad and the grenade? in the garden! Though I obviously need to hear it again - I have an awful memory!).
Photo 1 L-R: my boyfriend Mark, myself, sister Willow, littlest sister Indigo, dear family friend Bronwen, nephew McKenzie, sister Zenobia, mumma bear, littlest brother Phoenix, brother Josh, sister Phoebe (twin to Phoenix), niece Caitlin, brother Zach and his labrador Prim, friend and Josh's partner Gemma, friend Maxine.
Photo 2 L-R: Gemma, myself, Indigo, Willow, Bronwen, Zenobia, McKenzie, mumma bear, Phoenix, Josh, Phoebe, dear family friend Lynn (hidden behind) Caitlin, Zach and Maxine.
We had a lovely, fun and laughter filled evening with old friends and all of our large but wonderful family. I love all of these people very much, and I am missing them already!
1. A rose from the flowers Mark bought me 2. Drinking hot chocolate from Rubens & playing Crash Team Racing on the Xbox 3. Vanilla coke & vanilla wafers - yum! 4. Chasing the supermoon & watching sunrise (post here) 5. Gingerbread cupcakes that Joanne bought Mark for his birthday 6. A cheeky lunchtime selfie at work 7. Wearing Summery accessories! 8 & 9. A very nautical themed OOTD (post here) 10. The sign for Wirral Country Park 11. Pink houses along Parkgate 12. Nicholls ice-cream shop - so delicious! 13. My birthday present for December!!! 14. A pretty floral pink playsuit from George at Asda (sadly my long body made this too short for me, boo!) 15. Foxy slippers 16. A questions & answers post
17 & 18. Ticking off one of my 25 by 25s - flying a kite! 19. Phoebe, Phoenix, Indigo & the bears on the bouncy castle 20. Our makeshift bedroom in mum's conservatory - so cosy! 21. Waking up to the sunshine (except today!!!) 22 & 23. Mark & I took Phoebe, Phoenix & Indigo to see Despicable Me 2 24, 25 & 26. Remembering my dad on the four year anniversary of his passing away (post here & more posts to come on what we did on the day) 27. Dad's blue and white china 28. Mark & I bought Fluffy the house rabbit a new bed... today it is a collapsed heap (I don't know if he likes it!) 29. Fluffy hiding behind the curtains 30. Indigo wearing my sunnies on the bouncy castle 31. Thinking up ideas a lot lately, but lacking the motivation to carry them out at the moment 32. A vintage black & white photobooth strip of my mum & dad, one of the treasures we found when clearing out the loft.
Hello lovelies, sorry I've not been around as much this week! Thank you for all your sweet comments & thoughts on my last post. Mark & I are on our 'holiday' at my mum's house, we've been here since Tuesday and will be here until Friday. I will catch up with all of you better when we are home, but for now here are some of the things I've been upto lately. Today we are off to Cadbury World, can't wait! Has anyone else been having the massive thunder storms all through the night and today? A little bit glad for a bit of rain :)
You can find me on Instagram here.
14.02.65 - 18.07.09
~ never forget ~
Today marks the four year anniversary of my dad passing away (last year's post is here). Every year we put a memorial article into the local newspaper. I help my mum with finding the right words, but this year it was harder in different ways. In previous years the words have been undoubtedly of overwhelming sadness, but this year I felt like something a little more positive was needed. The sadness and the hurt never goes away, and sometimes it hits you when you're least expecting it and it could once again be that day. But it is true what they say, and it does get easier. Not easy in the way people perhaps say it might, but you find yourself starting to remember happier times as well as the hard and very sad ones. I find myself remembering random things about my dad, about the times our family had together, and funny little things sometimes that make me laugh at the thought.
So here are some happier times, I was rummaging through family photo albums at 7am looking for these. Last year my post was scheduled, but this year with not knowing quite what I wanted to say until now, I woke up early in a moment of clarity. My dad was the best husband, and the best dad (to eight of us, no less!). My dad was caring, he would do anything for anyone at any time they asked for help. He was also fun, he would tickle our feet until we couldn't take anymore and play fight with us until someone inevitably started sulking because they lost! You can see in the last three photos, my dad made the most of his life until he couldn't anymore. He came on family days out, he took his photographs, and he rode his motorbike with slippers on his feet and a tea towel on his head (he was always one to overcome any obstacle). So today my family and our friends will be remembering, not only the sad times, but the happy times too.
1. Working 2. My first shop feature 3. Watching too much Gossip Girl (end of Series 3 now!) 4. Enjoying the sunshine 5, 6 & 7. Our first date day adventure (part 1 & part 2) 8. Eating the same Hello Kitty pasta as Jojo of Miss Jojangles, because Mark was at work and I had to fend for myself 9. Spending time with my lovely boyfriend 10. Wearing the vintage bracelet that was my great grandma's 11. Drinking delicious Frobishers fruit juice & eating the best vanilla wafers at Rubens 12. Getting my blog it's very own Facebook page and domain name!
13. The best cinnamon doughnuts ever at Ikea 14. Remembering my dad on Father's Day, and even eating Battenberg cake and Caramac (some of his favourites!) 15. Buying pretty new blue and white patterned sheets from Ikea amongst other goodies involving stationary! 16. Agreeing my new balance physio routine after waiting half an hour for the phone call, and finally starting the physio for my back 17. My lovely new Kurt Halsey book 18. Finding Sonia by Sonia Rykiel trousers in the charity shop, that fit just perfectly 19. Finding the solution to last year's craft fair dilemma! & deciding to start up my own Etsy shop (I'm aiming for August!) 20. Trying out the new ice cream parlour in the village and eating delicious chocolate ice-cream 21. Spending time with my family and friends 22. The what's in your handbag post that shocked me with the value! 23. Eating pancakes far too many times for breakfast 24. Using washi tape to paint stripes on my nails, and doing three of my sister's and my mum's nails too!
25. Enjoying spending time with my little sister, Indigo 26. Taking dad's Canon DSLR out to take photos of the supermoon, and ending up watching the sunrise (post to come!) 27. Being a proud sister when my little sister went to prom, wearing butterflies in her hair 28. Taking my littlest sister, Indigo, for a tour of the 'big school' that she starts in September 29. Mum's Summery buffet style dinner, delicious 30. Helping Indigo fill in Floppsey's learning journal for the last time ever (playgroup's toy dog who comes to stay) 31. Waiting and waiting to buy my leopard print Zara sandals, and then finding them to be in the sale (waiting really pays off!) 32. Being poorly for the last week (chest infection & costochondritis - I'm resting up today and hoping my antibiotics kick in soon) 33. Celebrating Mark's birthday, a quiet one due to illness but a lovely Indian takeaway and time spent together 34. My love affair with spinach and cheese pasta 35. Coming home from work last night to find Mark had bought me flowers and dark chocolate cookies, and left me a plan of action for the night with photos demonstrating (like watching Gossip Girl, and eating cookies!) 36. Looking forward to spending 10 days at home in two weeks for our Summer holiday!!
You can find me on Instagram here. I also just wanted to say thank you to all my lovely readers, I've not been around this week but you've still visited my blog and written lovely things for me :) you are the best! xxx
"She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time."
14.02.65 - 18.07.09
~ never forget ~
Today it has been three years since my amazing dad passed away. My dad was a wonderful and kind man, who would do anything for anyone. He loved and treasured the things precious to him (like his family, his motorbike, his camera!). His motorbike, which he rode in his slippers when he really shouldn't have been riding it! This made for some interesting home videos, partly us saying no you can't do that, partly us thinking what the hell, enjoy yourself while you can.
I won't go into all the details, but my dad had cancer of the larynx (throat). It was a long and tough journey, for both my dad and my family. My dad went through an awful lot for us (literally awful), but it turned out that when the consultant had told us the cancer was 'all clear' after the surgery, he had lied. So after a second opinion at Royal Marsdens in London, we ditched the terrible hospital visits and their terrible advice, and we made the most of the precious time we had left. When things were at the worst, we cared for my dad at home.
So today has been about remembering my brave dad, not just the bad times, but the good times too. I am so privileged to have had such an amazing dad, and I count myself lucky that I had him in my life, even if I wish he was still here today.
Today involved a bouncy castle, food, family, friends, and light-up balloons. I will be here tomorrow with photos of our lovely day.
